This time it will be better.
I take part in a weekly writing challenge with Five Minute Friday. Each Friday, writers are given a one-word prompt. We write on the subject for five minutes and post the piece unedited. This week's word is Vision.
You have extended the olive branch reluctantly, hoping this time it will be different. This will be the time. The stars will align, they will say the healing words, and you will finally come to an understanding. But you soon find yourself hurt and disappointed...again.
Do not beat yourself up for trying. Although he never said it, we credit Einstein with the quote, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." You are not insane, my friend. You are holding onto what could be, what should be, but most likely, will never be.
Maybe now is the time to stop being the doormat. Stop believing what they say about you, which allows them to deny their responsibility in the matter. It is much easier for them to point the finger at you instead of themselves. Unfortunately, sometimes, you cannot go home again.
Pack up those sweet memories while you run a finger over the scars. They are your path to resilience, not depression. We have goals and we have desires. Our goals can never involve others because they are beyond our control. We can only make goals for ourselves. We are no one's messiah or enabler. Leave guilt at the door because guilt is for the guilty, not the one trying, not the one reaching out, and not the one striving to be vulnerable for growth.
Those who hurt you will never be those who heal you so, pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and get a new vision for the future. God has bigger plans for you than you dreamed for yourself and He did not intend for you to drag dead weight on the journey.