I put my needs out into the universe and got no answer.
(I take part in a writing group called, Five Minute Friday. Each Friday, writers are given a one-word prompt. We are to write on that topic for five minutes and post it unedited. The prompt for today is Know. )
Please be patient with me as I am aware the background noise of today, people spouting off what they know, can be deafening.
It is not my desire to speak above the crowd. I do not intend to gain your attention in order to bring light to myself. I only wish to share something I have learned along the way.
I have spent years looking for the one answer to true happiness when what I was really searching for was joy. I ate my way through trials and screamed my way through adversity. No amount of kindness, understanding and friendship from others could fill the emptiness inside me.
Good-natured people told me to put out into the universe what I wished to obtain but the universe is made of minerals and gases. It did not hear me. "Think positive,"they said but I could not muster up enough positivity on my own. Anxiety would riddle me when I was unable to control my circumstances.
I knelt down and prayed to the God of my youth. I used to talk to him in my yard as I entertained my teddy bear and dolls with peanut butter sandwiches. He said, "I have been waiting for you. Welcome home." In relief, I opened my hands and released the control I thought I had mastered. Love flooded the chambers of my heart. My shoulders left the lobes of my ears. The knots across my back untied as coarse ropes loosed and left me unbound.
There is one thing I know for sure. I found joy that day. You can too.